During my "Australian" era, which lasted about four years, there was a rather long period when I wanted to be the next Marlon Brando.

I had always wanted to take acting classes. To be in movies. Live the dream.

Before leaving Italy, I took a couple of courses, one of which was disastrous. It was at an acting school in the center of Florence, where the director—who was also the directing and acting teacher, as well as the mind behind some rather unwatchable films—was more preoccupied in luring young and inexperienced attractive wannabe actresses to the green room couch after class than nurturing future storytellers.

In short, in Australia, after taking a couple of courses on Stanislavsky and Chekhov, (a small story within the story. During my first job when I arrived in Australia, as a dishwasher, during lunch breaks I would often isolate myself and daydream, envisioning my future. One day in particular, I was scrolling through my phone looking at various acting courses I wanted to attend, fresh off the boat. "What are you doing?" asked one of my supervisors. "I’m looking for acting classes," I replied. "Oh, you want to be an actor?!? Hahaha. Think about going back to work and washing dishes." Two weeks later, I quit.) I got into NIDA (National Institute of Dramatic Arts), where I met Brandon. An American guy from Seattle with Korean roots. An expat, like me.

He had arrived in Australia after spending months somewhere in Asia where, according to him, he had several spiritual revelations while working with children in a school and immersing himself in a culture, social class, and tradition that contrasted starkly with typical American one.

We often talked, and I was fascinated by his outlook on life—a mix of the American mindset and Eastern philosophy.

He was a big fan of Bruce Lee and often quoted one of his sayings:

It’s not the daily increase, it’s the daily decrease

As I understand it, we carry a lot of unnecessary things that don't serve us in our evolutionary ascent. Life is a gradual shedding of this “fat”.

We were both later cast to work on a film production, a movie called Pacific Rim Uprising.

Brandon was one of the extras, a "background actor" as they also called them, to make it sound more “professional” I guess. I worked as Scott Eastwood's body double, Clint Eastwood's son.

If you’ve never worked on a film production, one of the things you do most on set is WAITING. Yep, there’s a lot of downtime.

Brandon and I often found ourselves, during scene changes, taking stock of the situation. As acting students, we studied all the on-set dynamics—how the actors moved, how the crew operated, the qualities one was expected to have to be chosen as a lead, the characteristics that make someone a star. Students of the game.

Often, after filming wrapped late at night, I would give Brandon a ride home on my scooter since he didn’t have his own vehicle. That’s where our conversations continued, sometimes lasting until the first light of dawn.

Over time, as I spent more and more time with him, beyond his incredible discipline, ambition, and stoicism, shadows from his past began to emerge. Stories of family abuse that I won’t share out of respect. His voice remained steady, his body language calm and relaxed, but his gaze, as he recounted these stories, often drifted into the void, far away. There were many silences, which I made sure not to fill.

In those moments, and many times afterward, Brandon often said a phrase that, since then, has become one of my life missions—one of my fundamental goals. Despite many setbacks and mistakes, I never stop keeping it firmly in front of me.

To be a Righteous Man

It took me almost forty years of life to realize that I’ve spent more than half of my existence searching for a male role model that I never had.

A guide.

It’s not that I didn’t have a father.

But anyone who has grown up in a family environment where the parent is a narcissist knows very well that there is only one, incredibly bright star: him.

The partner and children exist only as orbiting planets, reflecting his light and grandeur.

One of the defining traits of being the child of a narcissist is precisely the feeling of “not being seen.” This has led, for as long as I can remember, to an instinctive, necessary, and primal need to find male role models out in the world.

What does it mean to be a man?

How do you become a man?

What qualities must one possess to be considered one?

These are questions I’ve always had in my mind.

An insatiable thirst for knowledge and curiosity has driven me to search for this figure everywhere, gathering fragments here and there, even in the most unlikely places, of an idea of the man I wanted to become.

Searching for a father figure everywhere.

Since I was a child, I’ve been fascinated by gangster films, mafia stories, biographies of important men—respected, steadfast, unyielding. Samurai. Athletes. Later, my coaches. And when I started working, colleagues, older people. When I began traveling and exploring the world, I encountered unconventional, extraordinary individuals who showed me versions of masculinity I aspired to. Sometimes, they weren’t necessarily “good” people, sometimes, very shady actually.

But they had something I wanted.

In short, I’m not even halfway through my journey, but I’ve formed an idea of what it means, for me, to be a Righteous Man over these years. And despite the daily difficulties and human limitations, I try to adhere to these, let’s call them rules, to the best of my ability.

I share them below.

1. Integrity
   Firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.The RIGHTEOUS MAN believes in something. He has values and principles. Like Bushido, the code of conduct of the Samurai. He has a strong backbone and isn’t swayed by events, people, or the trends of the moment. He walks his own path and holds firm to his convictions. Whether they are right or wrong, that is for God to decide.The GREATEST, Muhammad Ali, refused to go fight in Vietnam because, as he said, "I ain't got no quarrel with those Vietcong". He was jailed for that.
2. Courage
   He has cojones. The ability to risk it all, to bet everything on red, and when black comes up, to have the strength to start again from zero—or even below zero—without blaming anyone or himself.Has the courage to say no when everyone else says yes, to ignore the crowd and risk being “ridiculed.” To not do as Peter did when asked if he knew Jesus, replying, “I’ve never seen him before.” Instead, to have the courage to say, “Yes, I know him. He’s my best friend,” and be arrested for it.
3. Respect
   It doesn’t matter who he’s dealing with; respect is given to everyone. The CEO of a company, his boss, his coworker, the homeless man on the street, the cleaning lady, the waiter. No one is above him, and he is not above anyone.At the same time, those who show him no respect do not deserve his in return.As simple as that.
4. Actions & Heart
   He judges people by their heart and their actions—not by their money, skin color, religion, nationality, or culture. Isn’t deceived by speeches, pretty words, fancy clothes, or cars. He always looks beyond, at the essence—the core of everything.Pays attention to how people treat the weakest among us, the animals, those who cannot defend themselves, those who have nothing. I once read about a great businessman who, to decide whether to do business with other entrepreneurs, would take them to lunch at an average restaurant. He’d observe how they treated the waitstaff. From there, he decided whether it was worth entering into business together or not. I like that.
5. Nourishing the Mind/Spirit/BodyThe RIGHTEOUS MAN is a person in constant evolution. He seeks to learn, to know, to question his own ideas, and to see the world from different perspectives. He’s constantly growing mentally, physically, and spiritually. He listens to everyone, and learns from them, and then takes his own decisions.Mens Sana in Corpore Sano as the romans used to say.
6. PassionLives life with passion—for people, his work, and for life itself. The RIGHTEOUS MAN does not go through life on autopilot. Instead, he rejoices and is fully present in every single moment of his existence. He feels events, people, and situations with all their intensity, in both the beautiful and less beautiful times. He experiences his emotions fully, and doesn’t hide them.Joie de vivre, basically.
7. ResponsibilityAccepts the consequences of his actions, words, and ideas.Is very aware that every action has a reaction and avoids pointing fingers at anyone else."Yes, I fucked up," without excuses or justifications, taking full responsibility.
8. AuthenticityHe remains true to himself in every situation. Holds his head high whether washing dishes in a restaurant in Chinatown or having lunch with millionaire investors in Dubai. He doesn’t change depending on the circumstances, is always authentic—without filters or artificial behaviors.Being yourself is the greatest flex you can ever make.
9. ReliabilityIs a man of his word and gives weight to his promises. Values words in general. Is dependable and present, solid when needed, and shows up when it matters.If someone is in need, the only words that come out of his mouth are, “I got you.”
10. Being "Human"The RIGHTEOUS MAN is, above all, a human being. He never forgets this. He acts with his heart and dives into the world with an open heart, without overthinking or hesitation. He is aware that there are jackals and sharks, energy vampires lurking around every corner, and that darkness is always ready to pounce. Yet, this does not intimidate him, and if he falls, he will always rise again because he is guided by a divine force that protects him and makes him a child of the light.He loves his fellow humans and does not let life’s hardships harden his heart.He lives in abundance.

That's it.

Below, I’m sharing a poem, IF by Rudyard Kipling, which resonates deeply with me and touches on many of the points mentioned above.

As for Brandon, once we both left the southern hemisphere , he vanished, and I don’t know what became of him. I like to think he fulfilled his dream of becoming an actor and that I’ll soon see him in a Netflix production, perhaps playing a badass Kung-Fu Zen Philosopher—just like he was, deep down.

Wherever you are, brother, I’m sending you a hug.

M.